Anatomy of a Cocktail Menu: Mallrat


My goal for the coming Fall 2014 is to keep a short but concise running tab on all of the crazy shit I’m working on Root Squared. First up – my answer to Generation X’s favorite beverage from the hidden gem at the local food court in our favorite mall – Orange Julius.

The chain of orange juice stands started up in LA in the early 1920s. Read up on the whole history of the business. Interesting stuff. I loved Orange Julius as a scrawny Middle school and awkward teen in High School spending my days at Arden Fair and Downtown Plaza on J St. in Sacramento-CA, Vintage Faire Mall in Modesto-CA, Horton Plaza in San Diego-CA, Valley Plaza Mail in Bakersfield-CA AND the Visalia Mall located in the washed up failure of a town known as Visalia, CA. Goddamnnit – hell hath no fury like a Sam Goody employee stuck with a teen age kid asking to listen to ALL of the Slayer and Skinny Puppy albums on the lice-infested headphone booths with the world’s BIGGEST Orange Julius in his hand.

Since we’ve open up Root Squared, I’ve wrestled with what the fuck do with all of my peeled oranges at the end of the week. I tried to make a Monkey Gland and I hated it. Blood and Sands are so damn boring. Frak. Frak. Frak. And then…last week during the weekly Monday juicing duties, it dawned on me – let’s make a frakin’ Orange Julius cocktail!

Here’s the skinny. I originally worked it up with Bols Genever and heavy cream and it was lovely. I switched over to Vodka and worked in Bayou Rum’s Satsuma Rum Liqueur. The Satsuma Rum Liqueur is built in a similar fashion to the Martinique-style “Shrubbs” (aka Rhum Clement’s Creole Shrubb) with infused Satsumas with Bayou’s line of Rums minus the spice blend. During a brief convo with my chef, he suggested using Malted Milk in place of the heavy cream. The build itself follows the “Dry” and “Wet” shake of the Ramous Gin Fizz. And yes – I did break my “Four Ingredients Minus Bitters” rule with the build.

Here’s the recipe:

2 oz Cathead Honeysuckle Vodka (amps up the vanilla cream notes)
1.5 oz Fresh squeezed OJ
.75 oz Vanilla Syrup (1 part hot water + 1 part white sugar + 1 Madagascar Vanilla Bean-scored)
.5 oz Bayou Satsuma Rum Liqueur
.5 oz Lemon Juice
2 barspoons Malted Milk (Non Fat Dry Milk)

All all ingredients to Cocktail Tin sans ice. Shake for 30 secs – hard and fast. Add (6) ice cubes or (2) Kold Draft cubes. Shake until the cubes are dissolved. Pour entire drink into a chilled Old Fashioned – the colder the better. Top with Club Soda and express a BIG orange peel across the top.

Oh damn. Look at what Max made!


Enjoy kids – Boomtime.

And now…ten minutes of cat videos….


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